Joke Thread.

[chug_A_bug]

WHAT DOES A KISS TASTE LIKE?

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students.
She picked a little boy to do the first test.
She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked,
Do you know what it is?"
"No, I don't," said the little boy.
"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your Daddy wants from your
Mommy before he goes to work."

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a
piece of ***."

[BeetleWarrior]

"SHOP CLASS"

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt ?" the shop
teacher asked Judi, the only girl in the shop class during the first day
of school.

Judi pondered the question for a moment, then replied, "Well, I can't
rightly say as I know, 'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'."

[BeetleWarrior]

THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The
wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband, he protested,
but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
She told him there was no need for him to miss the fun. So he took his
costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain,
and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Because
hubby did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have
some kicks watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not
around. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor. He was dancing with every nice chick he
could, and copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there. His
wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he
left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new "action".

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed,
so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before
unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home and put the costume
away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would
have for his notorious behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked him what he
had done. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a
good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance
much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got to the party, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we
went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you...
the guy that I loaned my costume to sure had one heckuva time!"

[BeetleWarrior]

THE INTERVIEW:

There were four guys who were in the final stages of interviewing for a
prestigious job. They were from Harvard, MIT, Yale, and Texas A&M.
The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.
Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told
the men that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could
hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one
person.

He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a
final interview the next day, and that he would ask each one of them the
same question. Whoever answered the question the best would be the one
hired.

All applicants agreed that this was fair.

The next day, the first applicant called in was from Harvard.
The president posed the question, "What is the fastest thing in the world?
The young man thought for a moment and replied, "That would have to be
a thought."
"Why do you say that?" asked the president.
"Well, a thought takes no time at all...it is in your mind in an instant,
then gone again."
"Ahh, very good. Thank you," replied the president.

Next the same question was posed to the young man from Yale, "What is
the fastest thing in the world?"
The young man paused and replied, "That would have to be a blink."
"Why?" asked the president.
"Because you don't even think about a blink, it's just a reflex. You do it
in an instant."
The president thanked him, then called in the next person.

The young man from MIT was asked what the fastest thing in the world
was, and after hesitating for a brief moment, he replied, "I would have to
say electricity."
"Why?" asked the president.
"Because a man can flip a switch, and immediately, three miles away a light
will go on."
"I see, very good," replied the president.

Then, the young man from Texas A&M was called in. He, too, was asked,
"What is the fastest thing in the world?"
"That's easy..." he replied, "that would have to be diarrhea!"
Rather stunned, the president asked, "Why do you say that?"
"Well, last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst
stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS ,
I crapped all over myself!!!!!"

[BeetleWarrior]

THE NERDS

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers near San
Jose, California stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a
big sign on the door saying:

"NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says
he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck
driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers
he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds,
serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his
glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a
belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word,
pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to
worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in
season now. You don't even need a license, he said.

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and
heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident,
and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out
all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming,
grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and
programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let
them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he
pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them
instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car
screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I
thought nerds were in season."

Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."